Why do you quilt? Who do you quilt for? Have you ever stopped to think about it?
I have always loved to make things. I love to work with my hands and see something come to life! I learned to quilt in high school and made all four of my best friends quilts when we graduated so we would have something to link us together while we were away at our separate colleges.
Last spring I found out my best friend, Emilie was going to have twin boys. Making us both twin boy moms. They were bookends - mine being the oldest and hers the youngest of our six kids. I'm going to let her tell you the rest of the story in a few minutes.
I've made Emilie and her family quilts before. She actually received the very first EVER version of the Playroom Quilt Pattern. And her oldest son, Luke received a version of the Close Knit along with my youngest since they are almost the same age. Another link!
There is connection in quilting. There's meaning, and history in quilting. My mom even found a family crazy quilt that is full of stories someone else stitched together. There can also be healing in quilting too. I'm going to pass the blog over to Emilie for now to tell you more about Kaiden & Mateo's story.
“I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason”
Glinda, Wicked the Musical
Dear friends (and fans!) of my best friend,
This is Amy’s friend, Emilie. I am the once anonymous friend who has recommended a few skincare products through Amy’s weekly email, the friend whose boys are growing up alongside Amy’s despite living in different cities, the friend who was having twin boys...
Amy has invited me here with you to tell the story of those twin boys. A story which Amy has quietly been living and carrying with me while she continues to do all of the other amazing Amy things that Amy does.
I feel the need to fast forward a bit and tell you this story does not have the ending we planned. Infertility and infant loss are not something people talk about. It is isolating on the best of days and crushing on the worst. So , for those of you for whom this story hits extra close to your heart, please know you are not alone. It feels terrible, because it is terrible. I see you and what you are going through. Amy and I are both sending you a virtual hug.
Amy and I met on move in day of college as our door rooms were adjacent to each other. We quickly bonded over the parallel childhoods we lived (who else has moms who are quilters AND dads who home brew beer?!?), our shared loved of Target runs for no reason, and our ability to sing every word from Wicked the Musical by heart. I have always known Amy was in my life for a reason.
Amy is the only person, other than my husband and children, whom I willingly choose to interact with every day. That really says something for an Enneagram 5 like me. Amy and I have been through many seasons of life together. So, it absolutely made sense that I would text Amy I that was not feeling well one early morning last November – perhaps the flu or the latest daycare germ. I took a pregnancy test. POSITIVE. I immediately called Amy (not even my own husband first!) to tell her the news and plan how to tell my husband. Just a few weeks later, I called Amy as I was crying tears of confusion in the parking garage of my OB’s office “AMY. IT’S TWINS.” The statical likelihood of both you and your best friend having twins – let alone two sets of twin boys – is staggering!
Amy was ever present throughout the pregnancy. Throwing the cutest twin baby sprinkle, tracking down necessary twin equipment, brokering a deal on a second used SNOO, cheering me along in the final weeks when thing were really just physically demanding.
Only the most special of people have the opportunity to grow two little boys at the same time. Amy and I will forever share the bond of growing twin boys. We were looking forward to raising all of them - six boys total between the two of us. Together, she and I counted down the days until the twins were scheduled to arrive.
Amy was the first person I texted after calling my husband to tell him that at 34 weeks and 3 days, 48 hours before our planned c section, Baby B shockingly no longer had a heartbeat.
Our twins were identical - monochorionic, diamniotic – meaning they shared only one placenta. We knew this made them high risk. It also made them always feel a bit extra special to me. They came into our lives for a reason.
At 28 weeks and 5 days gestation, we learned the boys and their one shared placenta developed a rare condition called Twin Anemia Polycythemia Sequence (TAPS). I will spare the medical jargon from this already too lengthy post. You can learn more about TAPS here and about our TAPS journey here. This rare and under research condition is ultimately what took the life of Kaiden Paul Martinez, Twin B, the ‘donor’ TAPS twin. His surviving twin brother, Mateo Kole, was near death himself when he was delivered. As we grapple to find meaning and peace in everything that happened, we know Kaiden and a heavenly higher power orchestrated events of that day to spare Mateo and my lives. Lives that now continue without Kaiden.
Amy is the type of friend who had already made Mateo and Kaiden the two most beautiful quilts. Together, Amy and I decided we wanted to share those quilts, the story of our friendship and the story of our twins with you. We are all still fragile so it has taken a bit of time and a lot of tears for Amy and I to share this with you.
Amy took the beautiful photos of Mateo with the quilts when she drove down to take care of him and I shortly after he was released from the NICU. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry and sat with me while we cried together. Later that same week, she drove down to Houston to carry me through the day of Kaiden’s funeral. Amy is the type of best friend who hold your surviving twin and sits resolutely beside you at your son’s funeral.
In an effort to make meaning of our tragedy, my husband and I started a nonprofit in Kaiden’s honor. The Kaiden Paul Foundation was lovingly founded to raise awareness, promote research & support families affected by Twin Anemia Polycythemia Sequence (TAPS). Amy is the type of friend who has graciously shared her platform, and YOU, her friends, to ask that you read about and share The Kaiden Paul Foundation with others.
I know Amy was brought into my life for a reason; our parallel lives and twins were brought into our lives for a reason. And we trust sharing their stories with you is one of those reasons.
Wishing you and the “Amys” in your life comfort and quietude in the busy weeks ahead,
Emilie Martinez
President & CEO of the Kaiden Paul Foundation
So, that is why I quilt. I make and design quilts because they are so meaningful. If you've every put your time and energy into a quilt then you know. I sobbed while finishing up Kaiden's quilt, but I also felt like it was a way for me to spend time with him and think about him. He was bigger than the whole sky, and more than just a short time. We will always miss him, but we have Mateo as the best little light. And Mateo will have Kaiden's quilt forever to snuggle up under when he's missing his twin.
Please consider making a donation to the Kaiden Paul Foundation or pass the information along so that more people can learn about TAPS and how they can help fund the research that is needed.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this today. I encourage you all to think about why quilting is so special to you.
Amy
